This year, I’m 18. It also happens to be my A level year. Also happens that I’m supposed to get ready for NS.
And at the same time…
I took an LTCL accompaniment in May, and I’m accompanying others for exams.
And at the same time…
This genius is taking an FTCL exam at the end of this year.
What rocks is that my original programme was rejected. How nice.
And now my new programme is approved, which goes like this:
1) JS Bach Toccata in C minor BWV 971 2) Waldstein Sonata (Beethoven) Op 53 3) Chopin Scherzo No. 2 in Bb minor, Op 31.
And what is so interesting is that, 2 out of three are new songs. Bleahx. Given 5 months to prepare, and take an exam that costs $1130. And hoping to pass it, and hopefully get a high enough and respectable mark. All this, within 1 month of A’s. And let’s not forget, I’m taking erhu exams too, with the S.
Am I a genius or what?
I guess I’m a ‘what’. Cos geniuses are not that dumb. Dots. Sigh-ai-ai-ai-ai…
CTs… realised that I didn’t say anything about it at all… but at this moment, all my hard papers are over. Left with harmony tmr sorry chem people haha ok maybe I shouldn’t laugh. I think this time my physics I’ll score really a mark higher than the last time. It’ll be a marked improvement, something that u’ll never believe. I’ll score at least… TWO marks better than last time cos I shaded my index number correctly muahahahaha ok im going mad. But considering I couldn’t do half the mcqs and had to guess them, maybe things may just really turn out 2 marks better heh. FM was bad. Whoa I skipped two questions larh. Maybe can secure a B. Maths was bad too… mechanics was super hard!!! But stats in comparison was a breeze… Single Maths people dun ever complain about having no option anymore. There doesn’t seem to be one in the first place. Haha. I spent like half an hour on differentiation, then 1 hour on 2 mechanics question, decided to skip the last mechanics question and do stats (cos stats can get marks easier mah) and amazingly I did 50 marks worth of stats questions in 45 minutes. Wow. I surprised myself too. Then I went back and secured my mechanics. Yay. Do I sound like I’m boasting? Hmmm…
I’m on a high! Yay! I’m super happy lalalalala and its not because CTs are over (cheh CTs are so not important to me) haha.
Ok wanted to say more but anyways… maybe next time. Too high to type. Ha
I’ve just watched Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. Yes, watched, as in on TV. Remember what I said about the Hallmark channel?
And in watching this movie, I wished I had read the book. Well, there’s a high chance that I might never walk into that bookshop to buy it, cos, well, just because because. It’s been very long since I’ve walked into a bookshop anyway.
I find that, never have I been so captivated by other movies, no matter how inspirational they are. Not even The Five People You Meet In Heaven by the same author has that effect on me. Maybe because Tuesdays With Morrie is more close to reality than others. (Even though some other movies are based on true stories, but I can’t relate to them.) I don’t have a prof or teacher whom I would talk to, but what I can relate to is about living and dying. ‘In learning how to die, you learn how to live.’ This particular line came out a few times and struck me hard. Do I know how to live?
What is, then, living? Is it doing everything you want to do? Is it doing everything you have to do? Or is it just making sure each day goes past, with something you enjoy, with some memories to collect and to put away?
I’ve always fallen into a state whereby I have too many things to do. Sometime ago, when I really felt stressed about taking on so many things, I was asked, is this what I really want? And I replied, yes, cos I only do things I want and like to do. Then came the question, does that mean I have to do all of them? And I didn’t know, and I still don’t.
These days, in the midst of doing everything and still trying to study for my common tests next week, I again asked myself, what is the meaning of all this? Of course, I enjoyed doing them. But to the extent of neglecting what really matters now as a student? I have always given myself this excuse that life is short, and I am thankful for each day, and I try to make each day count. Somehow, I have convinced myself that I have already walked through more than half of my life, although I still hang on to that glimmer of hope (and medication) that allows me to see a sixtieth, seventieth and eightieth birthdays. But back to my question, what is the meaning of all this? Oh, how I wished that there was a textbook on life, or a teacher on life questions, to just tell me, to just answer my question. In the show, Albom said, “it was a wonder how he [Morrie] had the answers to all the big questions, but none for my small problems”, referring to his failed relationship (which eventually evened out in the end.) And I realised, that in how Morrie had somehow solved Albom’s problems, it is also possible to find clues, in every other thing that we do, to answer questions that we have about life.
When we are born, we depend on others for survival. When we are dying, we depend on others for survival. In between, we depend even more.
When Morrie was lying in bed, having to depend on others and machines to move, eat, breathe, urinate, and every other thing, he said this line. And I couldn’t agree more. And I won’t say more.
Morrie talked about his life too, how he lost his parents, and how he held back his tears. And now, in dying, he frequently cried, when he was passionate, angry, joyed (about Mitch and Janine) and also touched. And I wanted to cry too, but I didn’t. I held back my tears. Unknowingly, I have succumbed to a stereotype that guys don’t cry, at least not in public. Or in front of others. And then I think back to all those times that I have cried, or even let my tears flow. A few times back in secondary school. The one time I remembered most was the day of Chinese results. Having found out that I became one of the last few in the level (yes, that was how good my school was) I was totally slapped in the face. I tried not to cry. I remembered how that day according to the duty roster I had to sweep the floor, and after I did that I packed my bag and walked out of the classroom. And when my relief teacher asked me what I got (he was just 3 years older than me, just completed J2 in HC, and before that DHS) I just cried. Couldn’t stop, and my classmates came to talk to me. Funny, I knew deep down how everything simply didn’t matter. And I totally knew what my classmates were talking about, but that didn’t help. Perhaps, it is the stress that I had built up for so long, and I had to let it go. I don’t know. I still cry, and I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of, even for guys, but somehow, I just don’t do it in public. I recall some time ago, I said about how musicians feel more and get hurt more than others. Probably that’s very true.
Morrie danced a lot. In his imagination of 24 hours of perfect health, he wanted to end the day with dancing with his friends.
Ah yes, this question. If you had 24 hours of perfect health, how would you spend it?
How would I spend it? I suppose…
I don’t know. I would probably spend it like any other day. How sad. Sighs.
Morrie had 2 funerals. One when he was alive, because he wanted people to sing nice songs for him before he died. He was open-minded about death, and every other thing we consider taboo to talk about. Was it really fear of the unknown that kept us from talking about these stuff? Or was it something else? ‘When you go to bed, you die.’ This line came from Morrie, to which Mitch replied, ‘well, some people use it for sleeping.’ How afraid I was to go to sleep sometimes, being afraid that I wouldn’t see the next sunrise, or the beautiful clouds, ever again. Perhaps, when one really gets knocked hard with the fact that time IS running out, one would understand.
Morrie died on a Saturday. On the very last Tuesday that he met Mitch, he taught him how to say goodbye. Perhaps he already knew that he will never meet Mitch in person again, we will never know. He held hands with Mitch, showing his love, and appreciation in being touched. And they were both in tears, and I had to swallow mine. Because in my heart, I knew too, that they would never meet again. I didn’t have to wait until the film said that they received a phone call about his death.
Will I ever get a teacher like this, to teach me the lesson on life, when he is dying?
Will I talk to anyone at all about this, when I am handed a death sentence?
I never know, until the day I die.
Pray hard, that it won’t be soon.
So, what will I do tomorrow? Something meaningful?
I see the seriousness of the situation. The seriousness is that no one is taking it seriously. Play around, have fun, laugh about it. maybe its for the best, no stress.
I seem to have lost my revision questions on all the mechanics topics, vectors, and complex numbers argh! How to study like that?
okay my plan for the next few days:
Wednesday: piano tuning at 9am, in the meantime do compo stuff. 12.30pm meet Mr Heng at chs. 4pm prac in LT 2 til 7 plus haha then dinner yay night: print compo stuff and look up wad music stuff i need to study.
Thursday: morning Prac CT (which i am the first one again, and i go in 4 times again. haha) drop by ch afternoon esplanade... probably. anyone care to join me? night: physics.
Friday: Morning: if free, start maths. finish all my stats in 2 hours. Afternoon vocale night: revise mechanics.
Saturday: Music! Mozart everything, Haydn Op 20, LvB, Mendel, Schu.
Sunday: Morning Piano lesson Whole day do just F Maths. if got time, maybe physics?
Monday: FM paper. (rmb to hand in compo too) in the afternoon. morning physics and FM. Night: music
Tuesday: Music paper in afternoon. mornign cram essay topics haha. evening cram physics. then at night still got erhu lesson. oh yar, everyday muz schedule 1 hr of erhu prac.
Wednesday: physics paper. and my CT's practically over. haha yay
Thursday: Maths paper
Friday: Harmony. then go out partyyyyy yayyyy. hmm haven save up money go for chma yet.
so this genius has only studied nuclear physics, and impulse&momentum so far. how smart. and lost his revision tutorials, and has no idea how come my erhu still isnt in tune.
i suppose hoping for at least 2 As and 2 Bs for this CTs is a tall order. haha.
That advertisement haha. Was looking at the flowers in my vase, the stalks i mean. and the poor sunflower had its head down already... flowers have short lives, and wow. really must start learning how to take care of nice flowers. cos. the only green things growing arnd my house is the potted plants, which i dunno wad...
my hair's getting very long. and i stress very. cos more than 1 person commented on that arleady. haha. but its amazing. when my hair was shorter, like during sec3/4 with that 1cm long hair, everyone wanted to feel it (maybe they were scrubbing their hands or something but anyway...) and now its long haha pple also want to play with it. i think my hair's quite a celebrity. wonderful. yar harhar
amazing. i was so enthu about physics today, after seeing sze, i did 46 questions from the TYS just on nuclear physics. FORTY SIX!!! now i know i won't fail nuclear. although there was 1 question i skipped: it was 97 paper. talking about how a mass spec works. or soemthing like that... anyawys, it was mass spec, and i dunno what that is. ask the chem pple. im a music student. ha. but anyway i think sze will be super proud of me =o)
argh my trigo!! can't believe that i actually wrote down that cos x cos y = cos x + cos y. no wonder i couldnt prove that question. by the way, its supposed to be cos (x+y) + cos (x-y). but anyways, trigo not tested in the coming CTs for FMaths-ers. but surprise surprise. got vectors, complex, MI, summation... in addition to all the optional topics up til momentum & impulse for mechanics and exponential distribution for stats.
been receiving good news frm a lot of people this few days. congrats to one and all.
Ok, lets see, i have physics R in about 12 hours time. and im here, having finished reading up on nuclear physics, quantum physics, charge particles, analogue, and AC circuits. common test wld be including EMI and magnetism. but anyways, im supposed to go for physics R tmr wif questions for sze. and hmm how to have questions when i havent even done any?
i blame the TV. for enticing me to sit there just now, watching 'The Touch' on Star Movies. heh. that was an hour wasted. and Rush Hour for another half an hour at the end. ha. how interesting. i may need to arrange another meeting wif sze next tues, ie eve of physics paper.
and let's see, i still need to rush some music stuff.
and ive got to prac super hard for erhu on tues.
and today was a hectic day. ha. day started at 8am, and i was running arnd singapore after that. how interesting.
but playing mozart's clarinet concerto was fun. it was written for A clarinet. (not a clarinet as in 1 clarinet, but clarinet in A.) and then, had nothing better to do, transpose on the spot to Bb. the clarinettist just changed clarinet while poor me had to read everything 1 semitone higher. whoa. and i survived the 9min piece. wahaha. ive been doing transposition for dunno how long already, this is the first time the piece is so long. i mean, Franck was just playing a fool, for singers is just trying out. but a whole 1m of the concerto wow. yay i now know my standard.
hmm i found out that the most gossipy people around have some similarities.
today was thinking of Poulenc. (no, it's not a she, and he's a dead composer. i meant thinking about the piece. Novelettes.) i didnt let go enough. it sounded correct. but that was it. funny, no image came to mind when i was learning poulenc, and when im playing it now. so how. common test on thursday. ergh.
RJ... sighs... i wonder all those money went to if the lights in PAC are even worse than LT2. and sound system has to be turned on from inside the office by one of the four trained AV techs (outside pple) who will not come back on a saturday cos they are not paid to do so? wad crap?
ive had more thigns to say, esp after another one of 'those weeks'. but somehow, cant find the words for it already.
have some things that ive learnt/heard/thought about:
the end is only a beginning.
death is not the end of a journey, it is the page turn into another chapter.
people change.
surprises are not so surprising if the whole world knows about it.
some people make good spies.
watched '5 days to midnight' on hallmark. says about how someone knows that he's going to die in 5 days time. and how he's going to die. if that person were u, wad would you do? i'd say a lot more on this show, if only i had the time.
hallmark channel seriously rocks. okay, maybe not for a lot of pple out there, but it shows a lot of touching reflective shows. a lot of books, that i would have wanted to read but there's no time, it was showed. like Mitch Albom's ones. sigh, after so long, i finally appreciate all that?
time is limited.
noisy phone. mine. still ringing rite now. dunno why i so popular now. ha.
not that i want to receive all these calls that bring only more news. bad. bleahx.
For some reason, i'm no longer appealed by the shopping malls. to tell the truth, i'm actually apalled. bleahx. Its so superficial, shopping just for the sake of shopping. i know, i was like that once, and probably i never will again. i'm going to comfortably shift into the male stereotype of not shopping but shopping for something. probably forever.
i dunno what prompted this change. but it's been a few months since i really shopped, and now i really think its a waste of effort. i mean, yar go ahead, if there's people around and u want to socialise, why not? but if u're alone, i find it a waste of time now. can't believe i used to like shopping.
i recently counted the amount of money i spend on medication and doctors and blood tests and the ultrasounds (yes my baby haha) and im quite shocked. sighs. and i just got new medication. its becoming like a routine for me: mornign wake up 3pills, night15, and 3 times a day 3more pills and something yucky to drink. ha. not very fun is it? i need to become healthier.
sitting in the shade of the trees, looking at the water in front of me, enjoying the little breeze, and really thinking hard. sounds a bit like buddha waiting for enlightenment? but then, i spoke... i opened my heart out, talked about everything, for more than 3 hours, just sitting there, sometimes lying there, joking, laughing, crying, tearing... just talking to the stones and the rocks around.
yes, being alone, means no one around to bother me. it is the sad truth that in this fast-paced world, there is no one who can really sit down and listen, and even if people do listen, do people talk? the one good thing about talking to the trees, the rocks, the stones, is that they won't judge my actions, they won't judge me. i dun care if they have life or not, i have argued about that before. but, they dun respond, and realli listen. and i need not worry about what i say, cos it won't ever go away, spread away, in this world where wagging tongues are a-plenty. there seem to be people who can always dig out stuff about me, and corner me wif wad i say. but these stones and rocks don't. i can speak my mind, tell all, without being judged, criticised, or told on. probably that's why, i like to be alone, speaking to inanimate objects, rather than talk to friends.
but then again, wad can these inanimate objects do? they can't pat me on the shoulder and say dun worry. they can't give me a hug and tell me it's alright. they can't lend me a shoulder when i cry, and tell me that things will get better. they just listen. sigh. if not for certain reasons, i wld definitely get a pet who could do all that. a cat perhaps, no matter how others say that cats are evil, but i think they are perfect. i've always been hearing about how a dog is a man's best friend. perhaps, its a man's best friend, but not mine. i'm terrified of them, and its not something that will go away soon... but i know i need company. been spending too much time alone. it's not just alone, its talking to trees and rocks, as though i'm a mad person. i say things that i can't bring to tell another homosapien. but i need the company. a rare pat on the back, a brief hand in mine to tell me i'm not alone. no maybe not. i kind of like the solitude. its a fantasy in itself, the bike trip to the beach, where on the way, the things i see tell me more than i probably can in the crowded mall. the long 1 hour cycle, almost taking the life out of my calves, let me feel the freedom, the motion that i enjoy, the wind in my hair, no matter how little i have. by the way, the old chee hang hairstyle will come back when 2nd july comes. muahaha.
the 3-4 hour sitting on the beach, its where my fantasy, my dreams come alive. drawing in the sand, my own life in a storyboard right in front of me. secret messages hidden in the sand, kids rolling about, people fishing... yes it's not an empty beach, but it's nice to be somewhere where nobody knows me (so unlike being in city hall when every time u go there u are bound to bump into someone you know) its so serene, the freedom. the clear air. clears my mind totally. no work. no stress. nobody to answer to. nobody to talk to. vonderful isnt it? i wonder if people will see the messages and drawings i left on the beach. perhaps not. when the next people come they'll probably step on it and it's gone. ah, but i will never forget that spot. i must go back again.
suddenly, i find the night charming. when all around me is dark. although the darkness has its sinister stuff, i find it enchanting, to not know what's around me and to be scared out of my wits haha. but enjoying it, listening to the waves, until who knows what time, when its realli too dark for me to cycle back and i had to get fetched on the back of a lorry. ah the life.
perhaps, one day i will bring others there. such paradise should not be kept alo;ne, but shared. but will it spoil my special moments? will i then stop talking?
paradise...
take my hand, i'm a stranger in paradise all lost in a wonderland a stranger in paradise
Wells, Vivace is over. For those who dont know yet, Keegan and Malisa won first prize wif Scaramouche, and me & Ming Yan won consolation wif Midsummer's Night Dream Finale. VJ won 2nd, 3rd and 2 consolations. Forgot where the last consolation went.
wow. what a competition. And what a mix up i'll never forget how the envelopes for the judges were mixed up on stage but wif a few giggles its all over. Have to load my photos up soon, maybe after this weekend.
wonderful. yay. i feel the satisfaction in a competition well organised and well carried out. though its nothing big, it does make me realise how hard it is. being organiser and also competing haha wow. considering we didnt really practise... haha oh yes i have the recordings for the comp. for those who want to hear just come look for me =o)
whoahaha im going to take a good break. finally. i need this weekend alone. badly. and next week im finally starting on my studying for good. bleahx. if i dun start i'll never finish. haha. i should start setting targets again. havent done that for a long time already, but wells. the only things im going to work on this time is on physics, and no matter what, since i cant drop it, i will have to pull my grade up at least 2 grades. by hook or by crook. i suppose copying from the guy in front of me wld be the simplest solution haha okay... but anyways
yay its over. im glad.
now i need a place to hide away. sounds familiar? haha =o) buhbye
Inaugural Inter College Piano Competition Organised by the Raffles JC and Victoria JC Piano Ensembles Venue: VJC Performance Theatre Time: 10am to 2pm
Pieces presented for competition are works for 4 hands and 8 hands, including Fantasy on Themes from Bizet's Carmen by Wilberg ( 8 hands) Waltz from Faust by Gounod (8 hands) A Midsummer's Night Dream by Mendelssohn Hungarian Dances by Brahms Military Marches by Schubert Symphonic Dances from West Side Story by Bernstein Carnival of the Animals by Saint-Saens Scramouche by Darius Milhaud Ma Mere L'Oye (Selections) by Ravel Souvenirs by Samuel Barber Slavonic Dances by Dvorak and others.
I suppose i have previously used this title. Cant remember what that post was about anyways so heck. but still.
I was reading my blog from two years back. My O's year. I find myself quite immature actually. Haha. Okay, before u think that i can't any worse than what i am right now, i was worse. and actually a crybaby. Haha. oh wells.
I realised how i used to countdown to everything, when i now don't even bother to. There were a series of blogs that went like "12 days left, 10 papers to go" then "7 days, 7 papers", "3 days to freedom" blah blah blah. oooh those days...
Then there were the blogs that recorded every nitty gritty detail of my life, and gosh so boring. Haha. if i find it boring now woops sorry to all those who have actually read it. (and if u are damn hyper and want to find some boredom go to http://cheekane.blogspot.com haha)
Then there was this from last year: hm... just returned from MEP UK trip... enriching trip. learnt a lot a lot. and a lot of experiences as well. And yes, how we all remember the trip. at about this time last year we were finally going to touch down in Changi Airport, saying goodbye to a whole week of ________ (fill in the blank yourself). And how today, me and joanna were relating to alicia how the trip was, certainly brought back a lot of memories, be it good or bad, interesting or boring. Certainly, this week overseas was one of the most enriching one of last year. Yesh. Can never forget it.
And then i look on at how i keep talking about this trip, wishing i could be back there again, and i know in the hearts of the Ex-J1 Meppies we all feel the same.
Hmm.. wondering what would have been, what could have been, what should have been. Am i being nostalgic? certainly. and why shouldnt I? for if i cant look forward, and is reluctant to stay put, the best thing to do is to look back.
And when we all look back, we find how we have always seemed to enjoy the past, and the present is never as good, and we tell ourselves that the future will be better, but will we be sure? sighs.
okay...
argh i hate hospital staff... Its like, how inefficient! can refer me to this room and that, walking around ttsh, for those few hours, it could have well been 2.4 training if i ran and took the stairs. Argh. had i known they wld have taken so long to approve two blood tests (which sucked out 2 1/2 tubes of blood from my vein) and an ultrasound (for my unborn child haha) which eventually had to be rescheduled (probably because of all those pregnant women who had their husbands with them... i was alone haha)... i should have just gone back to the polyclinic, drew blood myself, and i probably would have finished all that already. and all with sleepy eyes... zzzzzzz...
oh yesh thanks a lot ^+^ i know u'd spent a lot of effort on it. i appreciate it. ^+^
-Chee Hang ^+^
(if u're wondering what ^+^ means, its a chicken. something brought back from my sec3/4 days, Haha)
trust P Pronunciation Key (tr st) n. 1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. 2. Custody; care. 3. Something committed into the care of another; charge. 4. a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one: violated a public trust. b. One in which confidence is placed. 5. Reliance on something in the future; hope. 6. Reliance on the intention and ability of a purchaser to pay in the future; credit. 7. Law. a. A legal title to property held by one party for the benefit of another. b. The confidence reposed in a trustee when giving the trustee legal title to property to administer for another, together with the trustee's obligation regarding that property and the beneficiary. c. The property so held. 8. A combination of firms or corporations for the purpose of reducing competition and controlling prices throughout a business or an industry. There’s more… just go to… where else… www.dictionary.com haha. Okay… Trust, to me, means to be able to depend on someone, something, or some –whatever-. Hmm. I learnt most about trust when I play music. Duets, trios, quartets, accompaniment, chamber playing, orchestra, choir blah blah blah. And the different degrees and types of trust… 1) Choir. Trust in the conductor to know what he’s doing. Trust in your fellow section to remember what they are supposed to do. Trust in the whole choir knowing what to do. 2) Conducting: trust that whatever u have said before will be remembered.
Want to spend a bit more time on other stuff. Cos its more important. Soloist: You trust ur accompanist to be able to bring out what you want to bring out. Trust in the accompanist to remember what has been discussed earlier. Accompanist: trust in the soloist to really bring out what he/she promised, cos you don’t want to drown out or not coordinate with the soloist. The main thing about the soloist and the accompanist is about how much the two people understand each other, how much they know each other. I have learnt from experience that I cannot just do accompanying for any person out there without having spoken to that person, not talking about practicing yet. Cos if the person out there is a total stranger, u never know about his/her personality, how daring, how passionate, how emotional, how musical, u can never help to bring out the good things in him/her, and almost certainly add to his/her misery by contradicting and all that… The same worry in the soloist as well…
In duet playing, it’s a totally different story! U have to cooperate with your partner (or partners, in the case of more than duets) to bring out what’s best for the few people in the group! There’s no way you can go about doing what you like and get away with it. No way. Which is why duet playing is even more hard work. Not say that accompaniment is any easier, but in any case, solo-ing is the best. Least work. But wells. Where’s the fun in that?
Had a long talk with my teacher today, who had a long talk with Mrs Seah. Haha. Oh wells such a small world my teacher knows every teacher in the music scene larh. But anyways, they plan to push me overseas, and say my accompaniment is strong. Haha. I remember how I used to (and still) hate solo-ing. It’s no fun facing things alone. Although yar there are times when u have to be alone but it’s like what I said, not fun. Cooperating, doing things with others (and stop sniggering ba-gua people) is where u actually learn more, and also present more. Although the risk is higher, but the pay-off is also better. Satisfaction of a job well done is more also, and of course celebration is better with more people haha. Oh where did that come from?
Argh Grieg. I vow that, while I’m still alive, I shall compose something that equal the amount of emotion and passion that has to go into Grieg’s Sonata for Violin and Piano in C Minor Op 45. Something for solo piano, I promise. And when that day comes, it will be the most wonderful day in my life.
Hmm I need to do research on Bach (again) Beethoven (again) Chopin and Khachaturian. Some people have commented that I am mad. In their actual words, “Chee Hang!!! You’re MAD!!!” in a sing-song voice. Haha. For taking an FTCL exam in my A-level year, I’m mad? Hey u haven’t seen what I’m doing… I’ve done an LTCL accompaniment already, then my FT’s coming up, then my erhu exam.. then NPVC. Haha. I’m mad? I think I’m totally un-salvageable.
Some time ago, I was asked why I do all these things. An answer I got was that I loved taking exams. Another person asked if there was a point in doing this. And I seriously don’t know. Sheez.
Another time, when I was super busy and stressed up because of everything, I was asked, if I really had to do all this, and I really enjoyed them. Is it necessary, is it a must, or do I just want to do them. Well, till now I still can’t answer, but talking things out have certainly helped clear my mind a bit. =o)
I can say I enjoy accompanying (that’s why I do so much of it) and I enjoy doing what I do. Whether it’s necessary or not I think I will never know. Till the day I die, I will probably continue doing all these while my life slowly withers away.
And so, have I totally given up on Rach? It seemed so long ago that I spoke of Rach 3 and the likes of it. And now, it seems that all my love has gone to Grieg, and Rach 3 just seems like an old flame right now. Perhaps, one day I will return to her, and find back the love that was once rejected. But no, I have not forgotten Rach 3, and I will continue to spend time with Rach 3, only now I’m closer and more attached to Grieg Op 45.
I am almost tempted to put down a countdown for A’s right here, right now.
And guess what…
I will.
5 months and 2 days to the beginning of it. Muahahaha.
Anyways, good luck to me. There’s a competition in 4 days, and wow my duet and quartet has never met together before. And I know my duet partner has not yet learnt the piece (neither have I, but she being an FTCL holder I suppose she can handle) and the first time we will be practicing it is 1 day b4 the comp. And the quartet: Haha. Oh wells nothing to say we are just super pro. Yeah mann
Hmm have been walking pass venezia so many times these days… so hard to resist buying something from there but wells. Have to resist the temptation bleahx. Lets countdown to the next Venezia encounter: 25 days (end of CTs haha).
In case you're wondering, those six letters are those that have not been used in any of my titles before. Haha.
Titles.
What are the uses, the function of titles? In some cases, titles say everything about the passage/essay that they precede. In some cases, they provoke thinking. In some, they are just meaningless words, that interest u enough to read on.
But, how much can titles say?
A simple line, a simple word, if u read between the lines (if lines do exist) they can indeed say alot. But if u are a literal person, and just sees the letters jmnuxz, well its rubbish to you. Not that u should start reading between the lines and say that jmnuxz means my mind is in a mess or anything like that... haha...
Oh wells. This holiday means work to me, and also endless trips to the polyclinic and hospital. hmm almost a routine already, and i forsee a pin hole opening up at my vein soon. Haha.
Okay, here's what happened. My mum met my kindergarten classmate's mum in the market today, and turns out, she's now in RJ and haha we didnt even know each other when we met! what a small world. Haha. oh wells. surprise. And here i am looking through the kindergarten class photo and i seriously can't spot who she is, even tho her mum said she hasnt changed for, hmm, 12 years... mann... okay, its a small world.
lalala
nothing long today, not done anything constructive... except start on physics ergh i hate physics mann...
I guess there has to be a time when the factory finally breaks down, no matter how many failsafes are taken.
I'm sick. Actually, I'm not sick again. But rather, I have not yet recovered since the December fever and now it's coming back. But at least, I get a break from what I have been doing since Monday. And today, I slept a total of 17 hours already hahaha. Oh wells. I need that rest. And I'm glad I'm finally resting, cos the things I'm doing now, I can afford to not do it. Not like school and the many many things which became excuses for me not to take a break. Yes, and I know others might be glad that Chee Hang isn't on the move for once. Haha.
Grieg is super nice. I can't believe that I haven't found a piano equivalent of his C minor Sonata for Violin and Piano (Op.45). Gosh. That piece is so full of emotions, angst, anger, passion, sadness, despair, and at the same time relief, salvation, joy, and love. Not even Beethoven did this before, or at least not in any of his piano pieces. Although Appasionata is also that emotional, no, I still prefer Grieg more. The passionate first movement with that agitated and energetic theme, the serene slow movement followed by a dance-like section, and a last movement that simply sums up everything. Wonderful.
I'm beginning to see things clearly now that I am taking a break. And finally, I see the reason why others can play Dota when I stay up til 2 am or later to rush tutorials. Here are a few things:
1) Pure laziness. Bleahx. 2) Discipline to do things that are not that important. 3) Just wanting to do more. 4) Helpfulness, which is not helping myself. 5) Prioritising the wrong things. 6) Spending too much time on music. 7) Not believing in computer games. 8) Having too many commitments out of school.
Ah... the list continues, but I'm too lazy to type it out.
But something about being out of action is that I can't wait to get back into action. Which should NOT be the case. Haha. I just managed to cancel a few things out of my organizer. I can cancel more, but decide to leave them there. Hoping that I can get back to it.
Thankfully, others are just so understanding, and no one shouted at me for backing out. I promise, if I can, and my health keeps up to it, I'll come back okay?
Whew.
Rest well... Haha.
There's so many things I would like to say, and so many people whom I'd like to meet, but not now. Not enough time nowadays.
This is a story about a loose woman, who had 5 boyfriends and 5 kids, all of a different last name. She’s a drug addict too, and so has been caught several times, but never repenting. She keeps coming back with different guys, and her oldest daughter, Gracie, is always the one to look after the family and home, if there’s any home to talk about. They are always on the run, and always going back to their grandmother, who is so kind and always giving money for the woman to do worse again. And she never learns.
And once, she is caught again, this time put in jail. The children, 2 daughters and 3 boys are put into different homes, and Gracie fought hard to bring them all out and live with their grandmother, who gets the money from the welfare workers and gives all of it to… well their mother. And Gracie works part time at a restaurant to earn money to support the family.
Then with the help of the school social workers, she gets permit from the judge and sets up a home just herself and the brothers. Oh I forgot to mention that the 2nd daughter, Rose, got pregnant herself and ran off. But she didn’t end up like her mother, thankfully.
So after a year, when Gracie is finally 18, their grandmother died. Her mother comes back, to get the money left over (how evil right) and with her boyfriend in her arms. Yes her newest boyfriend. So Gracie is afraid that she might try to take back all her kids, and thus she applies for adoption of her three brothers (all with behavioural problems). This is unprecedented, as no 18 year old kid has tried to be mother of 3 young brothers before.
But anyway, on the day of the hearing, the mother comes and promises to takes the kids on holiday and all that, trying to change their mind. But eventually, Gracie wins the lawsuit, and is the legal mother of the family. And the few of them pick a new last name for themselves: Weatherly. Because they’ve been through bad weather. And finally, all is over.
What a story.
To be in and out of foster homes, child care, schools (which she lost count of how many after 41) and blah blah blah and also a failed relationship. How tragic, yet stirring. She worked her way up to Manager of the restaurant, and then leaves for accountancy, when before that she hated maths. She gave up her scholarship (and also, her boyfriend) so that she can be with her brothers. How great can she get.
And we wonder, can this still happen nowadays?
To be now living in a home, with my parents both around (the kids have never seen their dads since dunno how long ago) and no need to go through all that. And to have loving parents. And to actually know ur parents. How lucky. And this means, do we have the courage to ever face these sort of situations?
Are we strong enough? Nowadays, kids seem to have everything. Spoiled brats, I call all of them. And I’ve seen enough of them to know that I’m not exaggerating. Apparently, kids nowadays have everything they want. Their parents give too much to them. Some come to the point of giving too much that the kid is about to break apart. Are the kids at fault, or are the parents to blame?
I think travelling has opened my eyes a lot, and only for cobwebs to gather on my piano. I know one spider likes my music, as can be seen by that small little spiderweb starting to form at the back of my piano. I can’t believe it. Haha. The vibration should have killed it off! Oh wells. That’s what happens when ur piano faces an open window, and u don’t play ur piano as much as u play others’.
Okay, now I’m really going to touch my piano.
Hrmmm maybe after I touch my erhu. The bird piece is so cute. Haha. Wait till u all hear it. I bet a violin can’t do all that tricks that I can on my erhu!
I'm Chee Hang. I'm currently serving NS, and I'm also part of the Catholic High School Choir
alumni, the Edward Becheras Vocale.
My favourite colour is blue.
My favourite composer is Beethoven.
My favourite music(s) are powerful.
My favourite food is anything edible and nice.
I like to help people.
I am childish.
I am still a kid, although already 19. Young at heart =o)
