of rocks and stones

sitting in the shade of the trees, looking at the water in front of me, enjoying the little breeze, and really thinking hard. sounds a bit like buddha waiting for enlightenment? but then, i spoke... i opened my heart out, talked about everything, for more than 3 hours, just sitting there, sometimes lying there, joking, laughing, crying, tearing... just talking to the stones and the rocks around.

yes, being alone, means no one around to bother me. it is the sad truth that in this fast-paced world, there is no one who can really sit down and listen, and even if people do listen, do people talk? the one good thing about talking to the trees, the rocks, the stones, is that they won't judge my actions, they won't judge me. i dun care if they have life or not, i have argued about that before. but, they dun respond, and realli listen. and i need not worry about what i say, cos it won't ever go away, spread away, in this world where wagging tongues are a-plenty. there seem to be people who can always dig out stuff about me, and corner me wif wad i say. but these stones and rocks don't. i can speak my mind, tell all, without being judged, criticised, or told on. probably that's why, i like to be alone, speaking to inanimate objects, rather than talk to friends.

but then again, wad can these inanimate objects do? they can't pat me on the shoulder and say dun worry. they can't give me a hug and tell me it's alright. they can't lend me a shoulder when i cry, and tell me that things will get better. they just listen. sigh. if not for certain reasons, i wld definitely get a pet who could do all that. a cat perhaps, no matter how others say that cats are evil, but i think they are perfect. i've always been hearing about how a dog is a man's best friend. perhaps, its a man's best friend, but not mine. i'm terrified of them, and its not something that will go away soon... but i know i need company. been spending too much time alone. it's not just alone, its talking to trees and rocks, as though i'm a mad person. i say things that i can't bring to tell another homosapien. but i need the company. a rare pat on the back, a brief hand in mine to tell me i'm not alone. no maybe not. i kind of like the solitude. its a fantasy in itself, the bike trip to the beach, where on the way, the things i see tell me more than i probably can in the crowded mall. the long 1 hour cycle, almost taking the life out of my calves, let me feel the freedom, the motion that i enjoy, the wind in my hair, no matter how little i have. by the way, the old chee hang hairstyle will come back when 2nd july comes. muahaha.

the 3-4 hour sitting on the beach, its where my fantasy, my dreams come alive. drawing in the sand, my own life in a storyboard right in front of me. secret messages hidden in the sand, kids rolling about, people fishing... yes it's not an empty beach, but it's nice to be somewhere where nobody knows me (so unlike being in city hall when every time u go there u are bound to bump into someone you know) its so serene, the freedom. the clear air. clears my mind totally. no work. no stress. nobody to answer to. nobody to talk to. vonderful isnt it? i wonder if people will see the messages and drawings i left on the beach. perhaps not. when the next people come they'll probably step on it and it's gone. ah, but i will never forget that spot. i must go back again.

suddenly, i find the night charming. when all around me is dark. although the darkness has its sinister stuff, i find it enchanting, to not know what's around me and to be scared out of my wits haha. but enjoying it, listening to the waves, until who knows what time, when its realli too dark for me to cycle back and i had to get fetched on the back of a lorry. ah the life.

perhaps, one day i will bring others there. such paradise should not be kept alo;ne, but shared. but will it spoil my special moments? will i then stop talking?

paradise...

take my hand, i'm a stranger in paradise
all lost in a wonderland
a stranger in paradise

-ch