Clearly under...

got back 4 results today. as expected. as in getting it back is in my expectation.

well the marks. hmm.

clearly underperformed. oh wells. haha.

54 days left.

oh thats the countdown to freedom hahahahaha

ch

School's starting tmr!!!

Answer revealed: Curtis.

Okay.

something made me choose a thriller/scientific/mystery/mathematical story over a romantic one. Hmm... i wonder how come im so troubled by this choice. previously i wld have gone for the thriller just like -that-, but now. sighs. getting sentimental already. haha.

School's starting tmr. Ive totally wasted these three days doing almost nothing. Ha. save for going out and also doing accompaniment. heh. but tmr, getting back the prelim results, eeks. not fun. but seriously, i cant wait to go back to school, where things are much simpler than the world outside.

yar right.

And so, compo and harmony portfolios by next friday ie 7 oct. Is it any surprise that we are all suddenly panicking? anyway does 'panicking' have a k? so i've recorded my first compo too, which makes it 3 out of 3 recordings. except i need to get rid of the hiccups in sea fever, and need to do something abuot the bad intonation and rhythm of my quartet, but all in all, im done with my compos. but. i have a feeling if anything goes wrong, it would be my portfolio. a big slap in my face for not putting in more effort for exam fantasy, im hoping the recording can do some good. actually. do i care. even if i dun get an A for compo surely prac will pull me up?

yar and there goes higher music distinction. haha.

do i care.

yes. sighs

piano strings are very dirty. and pianos are made too low for people to bend over and pluck the strings. they shld do something about the piano, maybe make one kind just nice for people to pluck.

strings should have different colours too. or else you will have to mark them all. haha.

the joys of compo. heh.

Ah ravel... so beautiful... not him but his music... sheez. and perplex too. erm that includes him as well. to quote him: "You see, an artist has to be very careful when he wants to marry someone, because an artist never realizes his capacity for making his companion miserable. He's obsessed by his creative work and by the problems it poses. He lives a bit like a daydreamer and it's no joke for the woman he lives with. One always has to think of that when one wants to get married."

And he's right. I know personally, he's damn right. we music people can sometimes be the insensitive, irresponsible, and totally untolerable brats. this attitude i carry has cost me dearly, and i'm glad i learnt that lesson.

perhaps, one day, i'll be proven wrong, and ravel will turn in his grave. but. until that one day comes, i'm going to accept my fate and stay the way it is now. time and time again, i've been reminded of the previous time, the previous time, the previous times. and now i see ravel's own words, albeit translated, and how true.

i should learn from tchai. if you know what i mean.

when will that one day come...

ch

School

This is interesting.

-Applicants will be asked to read a Bach chorale at the keyboard from a score employing three C-clefs (soprano, alto, and tenor) and bass clef. They will demonstrate familiarity with the orchestral literature including, but not limited to, the classical symphonic repertory. Applicants will be asked to demonstrate score-reading ability in a variety of repertoire.

Three C clefs leh. wow. i cant even read one properly. haha.


-Applicants must be under 21.

er. let's see. im now 18, going on 19. by the time i get out of NS i'll be 20, going 21. woops.


-a major solo work (at least 10 minutes long) of the applicant's choosing

That's long. haha. okay, maybe not, considering all my pieces are >10 haha but its tiring leh.


-all string applicants must be prepared to play all major and minor scales and arpeggios in fluent tempo.

Muahahaha. keyboardists dun need.


-No pre-audition rehearsal with [provided] accompanist is permitted.

haha pay me i'll go and accompany you all the way there. means u pay for my air fare. haha. then u can prac wif me for as long as you want, no problem. haha.


Guess where. haha. probably somewhere where i won't be going.

Am seriously thinking of not doing solo-ing anymore after this year. full accompaniment. was thinking of double major in composing and acc. heh.

ch

And so...

Prelims are finally and officially over. whew.

had some time to look thru my papers just now -- those i threw into my locker. Not very pleased with them but heh my standards are very different. anyway. hope for the best.

first day of school, thursday. getting back everything. cos why? i have ALL my tutorials. well except music. but. look.

9am F Maths
10 F Maths
12 Physics
2.30 GP

(of course, break at 8 and 11 and civics at 2, end at 4). so. and if not everything, friday theres physics lecture so haha. and music too.

went kayaking just now and im aching all over. er. as i said, i work out 3 months or lesser per year, only when i'm preparing for napfa. and i dun even pass it, not that i need to. haha. and other times, im content with sweating out under the sun for being a goalie. yay. or a striker that camps up there and doesnt come back. so i'm going to redefine recreation soon, and kayaking may not make that list.

ok i'm a weakling. bah.

not my fault.

can i refer you to this link http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20050923/szi050923.gif

well if u can see it.

cute comic.

when im free i'll post it up. haha.

ch

Prelims are...

... all but over.

One more harmony paper tomorrow.

Argh stupid F Maths paper 2. im taking the chance now to complain so yar go somewhere else if you dont want to see this. I'm going to be a spoilt brat. gosh.

-----

First time i couldnt finish the whole paper on time larh!!! If its a physics paper hey im fine but its FMaths leh. last 15 minutes, left with 1 more question, the either or. i stupidly go and do the mechanics one. SHM. argh. proved the motion was SHM. found the amplitude. thats about it. 4 marks. out of 14! then i got stuck on the rest, then when there was 2 minutes left, i went to look at the stats question.

damn. should have done the stats larh. i look, i could do the WHOLE damned question. this sucks. big time. my stats had always been more secure, even though i dun score. but algebra and probability means more to me than moving objects, or should i say physics. argh. spent too long on mechanics. and still had to leave questions blank. argh. i think i lost like 30 marks on this paper. wait correction. >30. nvm, this is nothing compared to what others have lost right? dont need to tell me. im just a brat. when people lose like 50 60 over marks and i'm complaining about a mere 30. yar. go ahead and scold me.

-----

ouch my back. really bad. even after went for ba2 guan4 still hurts, may have to see doctor again...

-----

yet another one. my reputation is at stake.

-----
ch

Ah choo

Oh no. this is not good. nearing the end of prelims and i am falling sick? feeling feverish. argh. shouldnt have gone for prata just now heh.

reminds me of promos last year. into the 2nd week, my last 2 papers, then i got high fever. how nice.

and coincidentally too, F maths papers.

bad.

i heard pple fall sick when they crumble under stress.

i fall sick after i crumble under stress?

or am i stressed now? over what? the end of prelims? bah.

i seriously hate myself for all this.

heck. at most die.

ch



/Edit.

that aside. sighs. i think i'd be keeping up wif the trend if i say something about the prelims so far? hmm was blog hopping the other day and saw so many posts on how prelims were and blah.

ok, my madness has completely gone. and i wish i continued being mad. i missed going around saying 'full marks full marks!!!' and now im feeling so bad about the physics paper. i totally lost it at thermody. and i lost my nuclear, and data response was bad. gw just said on monday that if u practise enuff physics u can do a paper in half the time. i admit, it is my prejudice and bias-ness against physics. dunno why. i used to love physics but now...

two more papers, Maths S and F maths. now i'm sort of regretting not going for all those maths S sessions. heck. if you dun have anyone getting ungraded where do you get people who get distinctions?

was doing RJ FM paper 2 just now. gosh. 4 mechanics questions and i took more than 3 hours already. and thats only less than half the paper. and i need to revise my stats quite badly.

if anything, it's time to panic.

argh.

i wish prelims was over. dun care how i did but i just want it to be over... -cry- really need a good break next week. must go out and play. heh.

so many missed chances. so many things missed. so many things un done, unsaid, un- ... aiyar. it seems that time passes so fast. 'time and tide waits for no man'. a pity i'm not no man. it seemed only yesterday that orientation took place, and why am i reminiscing now? cant help it, suddenly one... i miss......

aiyar.

heck.

this is killing me.

how to survive.

and i just found out that my toe may not heal after all. ouch. im going to be crippled lar.

life's unfair?

no. its fair. we just never want to admit it.

never mind.

can just die.



Then again, thank you. You really know how to make people feel better. I wish there were more of you around.

ch

In the middle of prelims...

... and my mind is wondering all over the place.

For a long time now, i have acquainted with this special someone, or these special someones. It was actually love at first sight, and i probably will never know if this feeling is mutual. My first was shorter, only 1.10 in height, but she was nice. Never knew her beyond the outside. She watched me grow, and helped me achieve what i have today. my second is taller, though i'm still taller. better touch and control. she was someone i enjoyed playing, enjoyed her company.

Yet, i have never been thankful. She was always there, for granted. For years, the way i have treated her: gently, angrily, forcefully, caringly, in anguish, violently... I have never thanked her.

Maybe that's why i will never progress on. I must be thankful, must talk to her. Never had, dunno if i ever will if my mind havent wondered.

I need to name her too, if im going to keep her for quite some time.

Oh...






she's my piano. heh.

Yesterday's Rach 3 was, how should i put it, fulfilling. Met quite a few pple there, incl the VJ PE teahcer. Heh. my YJ frens too. though this senior asked me, 'have u ever heard of this guy [Marc-Andre Hamelin]? I have heard of a lot of russian pianists before and never heard of his name!' wait. is Hamelin Russian? haha.

It was almost frustrating, that he was so big, and from the sides of Circle 2, it almost seemed as though he was bigger than the grand. oh one thing though, i wished out school got that grand. easier to push. hAha. but anyway, Hamelin is just big. it pissed me off that he seemed to play so effortlessly, and yet the sound that came out was nothing simple.

Yet, i felt that the 1st movement was a bit on the lethargic side though. Probably it was how he looked. He looked so calm, so tranquil, not even moving a bit, that it didnt fit in the picture i had of Rach 3. But the 3rd movement was wonderful.

maybe i sat a bit too high, too much to the left. bad eyesight. heh. but his fingers were just a blur, he did those octave jumps with ease. okay, someone once commented and asked me how i managed to play Brahms' rhapsody no. 1 with all those left hand jumps and blah. okay, practise. but to see someone else do it was a whole different thing.

i wonder how rach did it himself. hmm...

oh, and i think the orch simply enjoyed playing rach 3 more than the Glinka and Shos of the first half. even Lim Yau. Maybe because he thought he was hidden by the piano he moved so much more during rach. heh. not that he was dull in the first half. but looking at the conductor definitely is interesting.

oh wells. chem tmr.

eh wait i dun take chem haha.

ch

Don't

Next time, after any paper, don't bother asking me how it was. Haha. here are a few outcomes:

1) i'm delirious and nothing serious comes out of my mouth
2) i'm damn demoralised and too sad to answer
3) i'm damn demoralised and still act as if its okay, so i might just cry any time
4) i'm damn confident and you seriously don't want to know that
5) i'm super pissed already because a thousand people asked me how is it and i'm super bored with answering the same thing, wadever it is
6) i'll just say its okay.

sort of solved that problem by just running home after a paper. yay.

so hheyz! i actually survived these 2 days of 4 subj ie 4 papers! this is how i shall evaluate myself:
Physics paper 3 is quite shaky. I'll need to work harder for papers 1 and 2.
F Maths is quite bad actually. but by now i managed to solve all the questions already. i actually dreamt of the answer to one of my questions THIS MORNING!!! eerks.
Music... Haha... shld have really trusted my spotting. i spotted 2m for analysis, it really came out. but then i always guessed wrongly so i went and studied 1m a bit harder. heh. then aural was so much writing and comparison bleahx. stroke of luck, i think i got the quartet correct. haha. my notes did help hahahaha. then malay was bad. i crapped thru that 15 marks larh heh. the history essay was bad too no Beet no Schubert no Mendelssohn NOT FAIR!!! but did the one that compared finales with the 1st movt, talked about haydn and beet. heh.
Maths 2 was crap. u wun want to know how i did the paper.

so im taking a break tmr and over the weekend. Rach 3 on Saturday!!! and my next paper's on tuesday so i'll start studying physics again on monday. haha. then f m. going to heck maths S.

=o)

So...

So how many papers more to go?
Music 1
Maths 2
Physics 1
Physics 2
Maths S
F maths 2
Harmony (Music 3)

7!

i dun believe i survived today. physics was okay, did a wierd combi of 1,3,5,6 cos i forgot all my thermody which was so easy. but still. bleahx. spent too long on fluids, then rushed through the tarzan question my mechanics is how strong larh. heh.

so f maths i went in with graphic calculator yay. ms wang didnt even check the memory till near the end of the paper, but didnt really use. couldnt do 3 questions, but i think can get A.

or should i still continue to psyco myself and keep saying 'full marks full marks can one' haha ive been doing that the whole day. even trhough i left questions blank.

so yea 500/500 here i come!!!

anyway ms wang likes to confuse people wif abbreviations. maybe its so that the lit people dunno what she's saying. like maybe she can say formula booklet instead of MF-11 and graphic calculator instead of GC. i was quite stone at first too when she said 'write down ur calculator model. those who used GC write it too' i was like wad is GC? then i realised its the thing that i didnt use and was still on the top left hand of my table... TI 83 plus how cool is that larh can do row echelon for you. or REF and RREF. heh.

so now over the weekend i shall learn how to use gc to do lr and cor and also how to compute my Sum x and x - x bar sq and how to get my theta dot and x double dots.

haha fm rocks.

ch

Tomorrow!!!

Prelim all written papers start tmr and end 2 weeks later... Its quite amazing how fast it comes. Hmm... and everyone's mugging. Take a look at everyone's nick on MSN and pple are saying like mugging or i need to mug or stuff like that. depressing leh. haha. so all the best to the J2s all around singapore.

ps read gabriel's blog. quite interesting.

ch

Dreams.

And here i am, discussing dreams again. have like thousands of my dreams coming true, like losing my phone, yucky A's timetable -- yar having to do maths S and then music with only 1 hr break. id rather the other way round. and its like my dream come true lor. the good things never come true one.

so i should stop sleeping. bleahx. i'm super tired now.

there are certain things which i dare not commit, and i wonder why. it may be because of my past experiences that tell me not to commit. maybe because it is not the time. but in any case, i dare not, and when will I? i dunno. but in any case, thanks for the memories. People come and people go, but you will not be forgotten. big smiles.

and so i'll move on, just like the last time. or times.

should i even bother to complain about paper 42 today? though i must admit, yes it is a relief another paper is over, though i wish practical wasnt over cos the written papers come after that. well, lunch (or tea, seeing that it was 4+ when we had lunch and it was considered the dinner set at Han's) was a rather good way to tell urself that hey one big paper is over. haha. what crap.

so now im trying my best to mug music, and ignore physics until tuesday. because in any case, i want to do better in music, even at the expense of physics. physics can go and die. bleahx. i even lost Sze's number so that means no consultations. not that i need it, because i dun see anything that i dun understand. yet. ha. but its the trouble of remembering it in the stressful and cold conditions of the stupid hall, with occasional green lights. and the stress of looking up and seeing the people (or person) in front doing so relaxed-ly and maybe with one leg crossed. ARH Physics O people. heh. my physics wasnt that bad one lor. i guess i lost confidence after O's.

and so i will now try to dream of better things, or else i will not sleep. i recall the dream about 156 on holland road. ha. not possible now ah? unless suddenly it turns into Marymount road then woila hahahaha.

okay, i'm delirious.

ch

Sighs...

I'm so not functioning nowadays. sheez. i remember how two years back, near the prelims period all the way to the O's, i was complaining about how i'm losing steam. is it the same now?

why do i shy away from all those challenges and daunting tasks, only to regret doing so when other people take them on? Then again, why do i take on so many things at wierd times, only to find out that maybe i cant cope at all?

i think its an irony. and im like self contradicting and blah. i do things that others dun usually do, like take 3 exams at the A's period. Its amazing how i can just do that just like -that-, if u understand what i mean. how i wish, i can be like the rest who can just sit down and study becuase the A's is the most important. Its like, hey, i need my A's too. bleahx. Haiya if only...

So then again, people look at me to perform miracles again. Yar like when do i ever disappoint people? I'm someone who constantly lives up to expectations, no matter how unrealistic or how unattainable those expectations are. Indeed, by the definitions of the general public, i have never failed before. Though my definition is much different, but then, its the others i live for, not myself. how wierd right? no. left. i mean, wrong. we live in a society where we are always judged and compared by others, less by ourselves. So even if i deem myself to fail miserably, to others i have been a wonder.

So as much as i want to go on talking about all this, i feel that i need a rest in order to perform my miracles. And who cares if my practical did badly today? I'm still always one nudge above others. So my didnt do well would be a what, 70? yar, gawk, awe, shock, kill me. please. i seriously need a beating to get back into reality. to come back down to earth. eerks. i'm too confused and doing too much thinking.

I cant finish revising. This is super bad. I'm going to cross my fingers and hope for chicken feet papers. And i'm not going to bank on physics at all. It can flunk for all i care. i just want my A in Maths FM and Music. and a respectable grade for Maths S. Physics.. who cares. (although who knows, i might end up with an A for physics. Yar Chee Hang wad.)

am i that scheming. to quote: 'never see you study in school, always ask people go out one, then u go home and mug like hell'.
to quote: ' dun want talk to you. stupid. complain cant do things and then get wad, 4 As? go and die.'

with friends like this, who needs enemies.

ch




And Princess: This is ESP.
Extra-sensory perception, or ESP, is the name given to any ability to acquire information by means other than the five canonical senses (taste, sight, touch, smell, and hearing), or any other sense well known to science (balance, proprioception, etc).
Because the definition of sense is vague, the precise definition of extra-sensory is as well, but the term is generally used in reference to humans, to imply sources of information unknown to modern science.

Prelim prac tmr...

im beginning to doubt. a lot. sheez. not in the best of moods to take a prac tmr. was damn pissed off this afternoon that i just went out. sighs. didnt do any work today too.

i feel unfair, that sometimes, things look so clear to others, when i am left trudging alone in the dark alleys. yes, life's not fair. and who am i to criticise. cheh. who am i anyway? just this poor little boy who should know better than to complain.

looking at some other people do things with such confidence, its just amazing. and how much effort they put in. wait. wrong. its how much MORE effort they put in than me. its frustrating how come i can never concentrate. its like, i cant sit myself down for an hour doing disciplined work. for some reason.

darh. too many things happen today.

ch

Lost my phone...

Dear all

stupid chee hang left his phone on a cab. dun call me for these few days. if anything, call my home 67533235. messages will get to me one. if not urgent email me. or u can always just guess who i'm studying with and call them.

oh yar. i need all your phone numbers again. so tell me. somehow. yar. i should be getting another phone within the week or month. heh.

kaypo people who want to know how i lost my phone, call my phone. heh.

ch

Conflict/contradict within self

-Who are you?
-I am not a who
-Where are you from?
-I am from awareness
-Where is awareness? What is it?
-Awareness is.

-----

-Why?
-Because I like
-I don't allow you to do that
-so what. like i care
-Stop acting like a child.
-What, u think u very old is it?

-----

I find that, after one FM paper, i cant finish a 2nd one. Which is bad. Considering i spent like 10 hrs in school. Hmm... amidst the pringles and walking around and the talking. Oh wells. still more productive than at home.

the importance of feeling important. This is one question that is rarely answered... but frequently asked.

imagination. this is one thing that humans have that animals dun, or at least we dun think they do. it is what differentiates us from them.
so what do we imagine? about the future, about what could have been... blah.

is dreaming a form of imagination?

too many of my dreams are coming true. or at least some parts of it. some resemblance. premonitions? dunno. not funny. its quite scary.

dun really want to sleep. wait. i dun even sleep that much. every hour i wake up for some reason. insomnia? what am i worrying about?

sometimes i really wonder why i do not heed the words of wisdom of others. perhaps i am stubborn. too stubborn.

sometimes, i feel really extra. ok. i know when i'm not wanted. so yar i'll buzz off. dun need to shout at me.

ch

yay holiday tmr

holiday? yar right. and where will i get my holiday if i spend every day of it 8am to 8pm in school? haha. oh wells i am abit more productive in school. compared to today did NO WORK at all lalalalala.

am really starting to prepare for long term studying in school. haha. learning to stock up food too. make some use of my locker for once, instead of just letting millions of people who know my combi use it. heh. eh pple use it at ur own risk hor. quite a lot of people know my combi. maybe thats why i dun really store anything there. except now, food. heh.