wrong. unfair.

i can just cry.









in fact





i am

Rach (cont'd)... fairytale...

rach 3 rach 3... of course it would be nice to be able to play it. oh wells. there has to be a reason i stopped learning it. and there is. its because i realised u dun have to play rach 3 to be good. and if ure not going to enjoy laerning it, or u learn it for the wrong purpose, then don't. and wats a correct purpose?

i dunno.

so im not touching rach 3 until i know it.

heez was playing chopin today... for someone who had hated chopin since young even though its so beautiful, i learnt a lot today. on how chopin has realli that many emotions going through it. haha what we talked about was life experiences, like love. hopefulness, despair, heartbreaks. oh wells i still have more to work on for chopin...

fairy-tale fairy-tale.

its just so sad that our life's not a fairytale, where the guy will always meet a beautiful girl and they will fall in love. sheez have been watching too much tv. watched alladin last night and was reminded of the one chs performed 3 years back. oh gosh was it realli that long ago? cartoon cartoon... sheez if life was a fairytale. i'd marry a princess... sheez pure hopefulness. argh why am i thinking of all these now... dumb...

is the past always better? if it isnt why do we have memories? why do we always look back and talk of the good old days?

the good old days were sheer bliss. if only now i can have bliss.

or be blessed wif ignorance, cos ignorance is bliss.

to be unassuming, innocent, young, and always in a world of happiness. bliss. to be wif others, and wif pple who are also unassuming, with those who care, with those who are happy, and blissful. mm and to melt away at the sound of music.

ah the sound of music. watched it too over the weekend. and im going to watch the musical too. i wonder... do they show this musical in germany?

its monday again tomorrow. pple talk about monday blues. whats so bad about that? blue is a wonderful colour. sky-blue, like the shade of the nokia 2100 phones . pity i havent got that phone. its the nicest one, the only one with the wonderful shade of blue. but sadly, its actually considered an oldie phone. i mean, no mms, no colour, no poly-ringtone. but who needs all those? haha if im ever going to get a new phone im going to get one with that shade of blue.

so blue.

-ch

Rach...

I heard Rach 3 today. again. in full. and hearing martha agareich... however her name is spelled... but after hearing it.. thoughts just jumped into my head...

for one... i have been hearing amatuers learning to play it all around school... and then i suddenly realise... they learn to show off, not to understnad the piece! it sounds so bangy and just so many notes. hey im not saying this cos they can play it and i gave up learning it... its mroe than that... oh wells rach 3 is a good showpiece. of course. duh. but then... theres so much emotional meaning attached to it actually...

dun play it to show off.

u dun need to learn rach 3 to be good. of course it would be great if u can play it, but no one blames u if u cant.

if u are there technically, work on the emotional aspect of yourself. a musician can feel. its not just notes.

sheez. i feel sad.

dunno why. just after my CTs... maybe its the expectation of bad results.
maybe its something that has been bothering me for long.
maybe its the bottling up of thoughts.

the heart is not a container to contain things. i just realised. it will just spill. and then the whole you is affected.

i was commented on my playing... to quote: 'sounds so unlike chee hang! the chee hang i know is livelier... and not so fierce. a pleasant cheeky guy. not a bothered fierce guy who wants to go mad and kill pple. what's bothering you? i can hear it in your playing'

and i thought its just me.

oh wells.

-ch

Yesh!!!

Yesh!!! Common tests are over! haha now the stupid nervous wait for the bad results... Dun think i will do even ok this time... quite a dissapointment on how i spent my hols and ending up wif all this kind of things in cts... oh wells. its over. im not worrying about my results cos i never do. heez...

congrats to all those who are still in RJC!!! i know this came abit late after posting results came out on tuesday but then i didnt have time to blog. plus only today i knew all the appeal results. yes the cute ones are still around!

for those pple out there who didnt get ur first choice, here's something for u: make the best of wherever you are, and dun be too disheartened. =o)

mm lets go back to my CTs...
Lets see...
Maths 9233 was unbearable. gosh its like bleahx from start to finish. but its the only paper im confident of getting a B. heh.
Maths 9234 was just a killer. double bleahx. haha... didnt have time, stupid careless mistakes... ergh given half an hour more and i can get a decent A lar... oh wells. cant pass this paper. haha yay fail maths for the first time!!!
Physics: argh ALL applications oh mann its super bad lar... for physics im the type where i can only do textbook stuff. shit. oh wells. i can fail it for all i care.
Music: considering prac was bad, compo wun be that wonderful, harmony passed but may not be good, malay music was bad, beethoven was a mess, only confident of aural, and the mozart essay prob can get a B, then lets see... i can pass music. Heh.
oh wells. its over. Yay.

haha went out just now... watched Hitch. haha maybe i should go get a 'date doctor'? haha... oh wells... here's some quotes:
8 out of 10 women believe that the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know
tell her she's everything you never knew you'd always wanted
to kiss a girl, the secret is to go 90% of the way and hold
I err... I err...
The basic principle: there's no principle
heh crappy show. can one realli learn anything from that? only one line stood out most, striked me the hardest:

is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...

I believe i asked this question before... and i still dun have an answer... wil i ever get an answer i do not know. though i would like to know. but i guess it depends on everyone isnt it... i once thought it better to have loved and lost... now i think never having loved at all might be better... but i realli dunno. oh wells. wad a complicated topic.

Mm after the movie went for ice cream! YAY havent had ice cream in so long a time. should look forward to the next one after July CTs. have set the date already no backing out horz. mus reward after CTs mahz. hehheh

Mm so that probably ends all my celebrations. oh wells. have no time to celebrate this easter weekend. only maybe maybe maybe go out to feast on saturday? hm??

oh wells. happy happy.

jackson

i know of numerous mouths talking chit chattering and gossiping literally behind my back. heh. so kaypoh. so ba-gua. naughty naughty!

thoughts

if you have something against me and all things that i do, don't imply it subtlely. say it in my face. if you are unhappy with me, say it in my face. i almost never show anger so i won't eat you up. no point dropping me a line here and there with words specially chosen to strike my heart.

oh wells...

if im not wrong its maths paper tmr. afternoon. which means i can sleep awhile longer in the morning.

what paper's on wednesday? i wonder...

Is it really tomorrow

Hmm...

common tests start tomorrow... seems so surreal to me... i was still out shopping just now... bought an MP3 player yay. yar shopping when i should be resting... or studying...

looking at my desk, my maths TYS is spread out there, one set of holiday assignment untouched, my notes in a mess. and i cant remember for goodness sake when is the maths paper! or for that matter whens F Maths paper too. only remember harmony tmr. and music on thursday. probably physics is on thursday too. but i only rmb music most. haha. and i was saying i shouldnt be spending too much time on music...

wonder what will happen if i drop out of school now... will i be less stressed up? will i have more fun? hmm i wonder...

what i know most is that i'll miss the people in school... hheyz spending that 5++ hours a day on average in school with that bunch of muggers and smart pple and talented pple and geeks and good friends in school is actually worth the time i think. and the stress. hahaha.

suddenly got a mad idea. what if i fail C Maths and get A for F MAths? what will everyone say?

hmm... realissation:
F is for
Fun
Funny
Fail
Flunk

so does that mean failing is fun, and flunking is funny?

hmm wad if i fail most of my subjects this common test? is it worth the fun?

HAHAHA

madness
who even cares
tell me about it
yes there are indeed things
with a capital S
that i never say
and u never know


jackson

emotions

i tend to take thigns very personally.

i tend to see people as forever hating me.

a comment which may pass off as something very careless, sounds to me as a personal attack. happens al the time. why.

why did u leave...
leave behind...
aiyoh so bad...
hehheh now we know...
so?



jackson

*bish*

Ok Prac was bad. argh. my headache didnt do much good. guess i havent fully recovered yet... *bish* my Brahms was SO messy, barely one page into the music and i already got a glaring wrong chord. yucks. needless to say, as i always do, i freak out. yar. havent mastered the art of ignoring all my mistakes in front. yar so ended up, my rhapsody wasnt rhapsodic at all. it was rather messy. eeks.

prokofieff wasnt any better. first, i started when i thought i was ready, but the moment my fourth finger of my right hand went down, i knew i wasnt. *cry* the whole things was just a mess. no lines, no correct notes, no correct chords, no nothing. just plain static music made up of wrong notes. if u qualify that as music at all....

stupid me shouldnt have practised so hard last night. over practice... and shouldnt have warmed up so much this morning. my finger tips actually hurt lar... and i found out i developed sweaty palms. and sitting there in that piano chair i actually sweated like so much when it was supposed to be freezing cold. bleahx. i can just die.

next time i'll memorise my scores again.

accompaniment wasnt that much better. more steady i suppose, as i am supposed to be. yar a good pillar of support, but that was all. eeks. why am i talking about accompaniment?

erhu was equally bad. scratchy, out of tune, nervousness, sweaty finger tips that slided all over the place due to gravity...

*cry*

wad to do. only have myself to blame.

argh i should be studying actually. CTs are next week. and i havent started. i dun realli want to...

*cry*

*cry cry cry*

obviously...
so obvious...
exclusive?
why did you...
yours...
stone...
rock...
bored...
shop...
soft toys...
accessories...

cry cry cry

jackson

trouble, troubled, troubles, troubling

who's to say what happens
who's to say what is true
who's to say what we should do
who's to say what i've done is wrong
who's to say i'm dumb
who's to say i should have been quicker
who's to say i should have taken my chance
who's to say that wouldnt fail as well

practical common test tomorrow!!! oh no i think im going to flunk this time. wells... my prac ah... nvm i have too many things on my hands already, and too many things in my mind. maybe even now i shouldnt be typing this and should be prac-ing... bbut bbut bbut... haiya...

common test common test

haha i don't worry about that at all. not that im boasting or wad, but i have never worried b4... dunno why... it seems to be the least of my worries, even when i dun do well... stress-free mann... hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

or rather im showing my stressed up mind in my madness...

jackson

VoyAJe

Mm wad a concert...

Haha ok shall just talk abit about it since im quite tired (ok very tired) and hav ta go to school tmr too...

Ah vocale vocale vocale... Yay circle of life... Heehee for those who heard a strangled monkey shouting quite disgustingly on stage, plus some very wrong notes from a certain bass2/bass1/tenor1, yupz its me. cos i didnt memorise the score completely heehee just changed parts like a few days (actually 2) ago. and was sick yesterday, had fever. so my falsetto sounded disgusting... yar the strangled monkey was me...

apart from that...

well its quite a great concert... and a lot of pple went *gosh* and i didnt know so many pple knew me... wow haha as i said just now my 'fans' yay. just realised every concert i had since last year, ive got a rose. make that quite a few roses now. and quite sorry to those who gave me flowers they all um... died... woops. yar quite bad... sorry yar next time forget those flowers. chocolates last longer. HAHAHa nah that's so greedy... a handshake wld do. =o)

AJ was great too!!! altho the luk luk i still prefer the cat high one...

mm speaking of cat high... havta start on my composition too... owe e heng one...

cough cough still coughing mann im still sick... contemplating if i shld still go n run tmr... haha...

random thoughts again...
chants...
circle..
cycle...
where does all this lead to?
where will it end?
will it end on a high?
will it end with laughter?
will it end at all?
will it end too soon?

-jackson

Graduation Ceremony 2005!!!

Ah! Finally I've got some pictures to upload!!! Yay!!!


From left to right in second row: Grace, Hui Min, Francine, Denise
From left to right in first row: Brian, Jenson, Mr Timothy Arnold, Shaun, Alicia, Me, Ryan
And another one:


Haha and of course there has to be one of me!!!

with Mr Timothy Arnold on stage.

and here's one of ALL the graduants: (although its realli too small...)

See if u can spot me!!!

Mm for more photos: http://www.shutterfly.com/view/pictures.jsp?aid=67b0de21b32d250ac415

Okok... for those who are realli too lost on what i'm talking about... haha... Saturday 12 March was the graduation ceremony for all the ABRSM diploma holders. yupz. quite a lot of pple as u can see, and got quite a few RJ pple also! cf the first two pictures! what a night. and what an afternoon walking around chinatown waiting for the time to pass... gossipping and talking and doing just crap heehee

Mm... now that that's over... i wonder will i live to go to another one of those, this time as an FRSM holder? wow ambitious... is it even within reach? i wonder i wonder i wonder...

-sneeze- still a bit sick though fever's gone... hand still hurts...

noticed that my days now pass without anything happening at all... like my phone's quiet the past 2 days already, and its kinda boring reading and staying in bed all the time... stooopid holidays eeks... mm kinda envious of my sis who gets calls like every 5 minutes and talks for like 2 hours... haha...

ergh my head's splitting..

okok going to rest now...

yesterday has passed...
today is now...
tomorrow will never come...
paradox? madness?
just plain babbling from my feverish mind?


jackson

fever...

im either realli cursed or what lorz...

ive got fever and then the AJ concert's up in two days... sheez... and guess wad im going to be singing... some section in falsetto... haha a tenor 1 part. yay. only now my falsetto sounds realli stuck. worse than this afternoon. mm havta get well by tuesday...

haha if u're wondering how i ended up tenor 1... well im still bass hahaha only changed parts for that few bars cos 1) not enuff pple 2) the only tenor 1 cant sing that range (cus its supposedly a sop part) 3) my bass1 part (supposedly a tenor i suppose) is super high

how come so complicated...
mm... its an SATBTTBB piece. or SATBSATB is more like it. and the vocale's 20 strong. HAHA split us into 8 parts mann... with some splits in the first S part, and then solos... whoa.

okok muz go and rest mann... been too stressed up...

oh oh oh yesterday was grad ceremony!!! haha so fun... but nowvery tired want to rest... will talk about it again...

some random thoughts..
sometimes fate happens like that...
is this the end...
will i have the courage to plough on again...
will i ever get an answer...
is it over before it begins...
or has it begun and ended...
smiles always when i am there, but frowns when i am not...
is it time for revelation...
or will there ever be time...
when the time comes will i know...




jackson

interesting. or should i say disturbing.

argh ... i'm still stressed up.. but hav got a few things to comment first...

was blog hopping. saw a lot of blogs talk about love and relationships and all that. wads this, the 'in' thing today? interesting. or disturbing. why so much talk on love. love has nv been easy for me... it wil never be i guess, because of who i am and what i am like. see...

im a jealous person by nature.

im a selfish person by nature.

i hate sharing.

i distrust others.

how to change...

argh i just hurt my wrist. left wrist, the one i fractured a few years back. bumped into someone almost twice my size during PE (soccer) today. was trying to head the ball when the keeper was trying to catch the ball. damn. i flew lar. from the air. he just fell and i was probably miles away if not for gravity and air resistance. then i landed on my left hand. now it hurts. no weight on it.

hope it gets better.

how stupid right. 1 week b4 prac common test. and altho mrs seah says i can take MC and dun play, wad about wendy and candice... both needing my accompaniment. Eeks. can play lar. dun fret. and dun be surprised when u meet me. yar. i just cant carry my erhu case wif left hand anymore.

okok.

enuff crap.

stupid doodleboard is down. havent had time to revert back to tag-board. so use the comments button down there if u want to say anything to me.

-ch. in troubled waters.

Cry

I want to cry...
I miss the warmth of someone nearby, to share my woes, to tell me that all this will be over soon, and it'll all turn out alright in the end...

end...
wad end, when its not in sight...

i cant wait for this week to end.
but after this week...
haiz day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
its my ill-fate.

how come i'm the only one in the whole school whose worry right now cannot be on the GP common test tmr... i don't have a choice...

I can just cry now... But how to... when tonight is a long night...
I m too nice i guess... always doing things jsut like that...

-ch

Amigos

Tonight was the J1 MEP concert... amigos... Hmm have to say all the shouting, scolding, pushing, stress in the pre-days to the concert was worth it. Though there were a few MAJOR screw-ups it overall went well...

Have to say the good highlight of the show was Brahms Piano Quartet No. 1 First Movement. Have to really say a job well done for the whole quartet, especially the pianist Alicia... who when performing had so many depressing and stressful things on her mind... But today i heard her twice, and she just improved tremendously. Of course there is still room for improvment (there always is) but today was the best for 2 months of work. I'm super proud of her, and the whole quartet. =o) You guys matured a lot and realli felt gelled together and brought out the true blue Brahms. Yesh. If only you guys could have seen me in the control room. I just can't help but jump in exhilaration and i was really touched. =) =) =)

Ok funny thing of the night:
Haha The lighting during Poulenc. And you just have to thank yours sincerely. Who played with the lights in the control room and laughed and laughed hahahahah

Joke of the night:
The condenser mike put the WRONG way... Thanks Keegan. Haha play too much piano dunno how to operate mikes hehheh... ok jk...

Slip of the night:
Ryan Chow: Beethoven Ghost Trio! whoa trying to be Beethoven already and side-stepping into other 3rd related keys right in the beginning whoa whoa whoa!!!

Stone of the night:
Shostakovich quartet. Or rather Stonestakovich... Gosh u guys are real good lar.. if only u guys move a bit more...

Ok ok less jokes already. Mm what rings in my head now is still Brahms. Damn proud of you guys!!!!

Haha i must realli sleep... This morning i slept only from 2 to 4am... and then did the Music Essay Assignment at 8 in the morning... so that i cld go for the rehearsal at 1 during the music lec... Mmm... Im now sleepy... still got vocale tmr morning...


Once again... I find myself in a mist. not the haze. But a mist in life... was asked this question some days ago... What is my purpose in life? What is my goal?
and seriously, I don't know.
Maybe i shld start thinking about it.
Why do i take so many exams and pay so much for it...
Why am i in school
Why am i in a fix nowadays
Why i ve not had a peace in my heart since months ago
What is my purpose?
Why am i here?

Gogh i realli need sleep...
Ok ok...

shall stop here...

-cheehang

when everything happens...

... at the same time.

stupid doodle board. told you coms hate me.

damn. whats happening. i cant seem to sleep at night.

can stare at the ceiling and practically count the millions of seconds to 6.35 am. ok maybe not millions only like 23700 or something like that.

am finding it quite surprising how relax i am over school stuff.

quite surprising i can nowadays talk about past things as though they happened to someone else and not me, when since then i've actually been super affected. gosh. wads becoming to me.

aiyar got to rush work tonight.

mozart essay tmr, physics tute tmr... shucks.

and im not biased. i'm just cheeky thats all.

and im realli nice.

-ch

Keep smiling

No matter what happens
Always let yourself be absorbed in the company of friends
Friends who will listen
Friends who will care
Friends who will lend you a shoulder when you cry.
Keep smiling
Keep shining
Knowing that I'm always here for you, for sure
That's what friends are for.

Cheers.

=)

ch