Exam.. fantasy?

I wonder, how do people cope with stress during exam times? in a mugger school like RJ, few would dare to admit stress, lest being labelled as a loser. yet at the same time, few would also have the time to admit to be stress, being the muggers they all are. notice i used 'they'?

and also, it is not as though people are free to hang around to people who talks crap. haiz.

i am stressed. about A's, and the stupid 5/6 things that follow right after it. yet, i have not told anyone, but its like now i really need to vent. argh.

since primary school, some guy named See Chee Hang would have always been labelled as a success, as a first in class, as a person who has all the glory. Someone who can manage time so well, that there does not seem to be anything that can crumble him. See Chee Hang is smart, a genius, who doesnt need to study and still gets wonderful results. See Chee Hang is nice, and will do anything for you just as long as you ask him. You will probably never see a grade lesser than a B on Chee Hang's score sheets. You cannot imagine Chee Hang failing. Chee Hang is just that, perfect. Chee Hang never needs help; he provides it. If Chee Hang says he's going to fail, he probably is going to get A anyway. And if he fails, what about everyone else?

yar right.

this is what ive gathered from opinions ive gathered over the years. there is a side to me that everyone does not see, and i wonder why.

since young, i have been ill, and i survive on nearly $5 of medication DAILY just to be where i am today. i study, just that people don't see. there are times where i break down and just cry, because i feel i cannot do it anymore, but everytime, just for everyone's sake, and for not letting everyone down, i push myself to complete everything. Sometimes to the extent of falling sick again. I may grasp onto things faster than anyone does, i may learn new things with ease. But im never good at anything, just average in most. I rarely seek help, because i dont know how to, and im not sure if people will help me. I dont trust a lot, thats why i keep a lot to myself. i help others, because i dun want to be alone, and being out there is better than sitting at home. there are things that can hurt me, and i can never be shielded from those. I have been shot, and i have broken down.

perhaps, it is because i want to live up to this image in everyone's mind, that i am now very stressed, and scared. what if i fail? after being THE chee hang everyone knows for so long, what if my time is up?

Is there anyone who cares anyway? is there anyone who can help?

i am not as strong as i used to be, and i have stupidly still piled thousands of things onto myself at this critical stage. its like, what is the point of taking FTCL and the comp (when i know i'll get kicked out after the first round) and all those erhu exams when i'm clearly not like the students who practise 10-14 hours a day?

seriously, i dun want the A's to be over. it seems the easiest of things to do now.

I need to find time to study music too, not with my weekends piled with physics and FM stats and mechanics next week, and FM paper 2 is an afternoon paper, right before the music paper. How am i going to cope?

sheez.

for those who have read until here, you're wonderfully bored. go study. A's and what-nots are more important than a certain See Chee Hang.

oh yar. look at my last post. the survey.