Artificial Intelligence

yet another steven speilberg films, a very touching one. a robot boy, who lost the love of his human mummy (i wld say that she is the user) and went in search of the blue fairy, who granted pinnochio the wish of life. the robot wanted to be alive, so that he wil not lose out to mummy's real child, and will also gain the love of mummy's husband, martin (whom he never called daddy in the whole film.) but there was no blue fairy, and his search led him to his maker, where he found that he is not unique as everyone had been telling him. yet it is in this journey, full of risks and dangers, that he learnt a lot, and he found out how real he is to a real boy, full of emotions, and full of love, that would be returned by a lot of humans. in the end, he sunk deep underwater, where an old playground had a statue of the blue fairy. and he sat in front of it, praying, for ever, to be made a real boy, and there he sat for 2000 years, until he was found by aliens who now rule earth. they finally granted his wish and let him live with his mother alone for one day by recreating her through a sample of her dna. as the day ends, mummy will die, and as she falls asleep, david sleeps too, beside her, for the first time. he goes away, to the place where dreams come true.

this is not the first time i watched this, but i find that, i have never really appreciated these kind of shows in the past. you would never see an old chee hang sitting down in front of the tv, watching these shows, or even reading a book about it, or even thinking after that, and definitely not tearing right at the end. i have changed, whether i like it or not, and i dunno why, i dunno when. is it for the better? perhaps in some ways, i feel more. i guess thats good. maybe thats why im rediscovering chopin again, cos a few years back i would never lay a finger on chopin, now im building up chopin repertoire. why? i dunno. perhaps its just maturing, perhaps its just more experiences.

at suntec city, theres a shop selling puzzles. one of the displays, is a picture of an angel, holding a violin. it is one of those very nice pictures, although computer printed, but definitely painted with a lot of heart and effort. highlights and all, brightness, it shows hope, optimism, cheerism, and everything which we look for. (it is so unlike the painting of 'Hope' that i saw in Tate last year) i dared not take a picture of it, cos is too nice. but. $79, nto something an average student can afford. perhaps, someday i will get it. like someday i will write something like grieg. someday...

grieg. it taught me that nice touching pieces do not need to be complicated and hard, just like Brahms. compared to brahms, grieg is simplicity. yet emoting, angst, despair, and hope. everything, in that short sonata. brahms is hard, full of emotions, flourish, pain. in brahms, it is almost impossible for you to feel when u perform it, cos the amount of work u put into it is enough to make u cry. but is my favourite grieg, it is the sound, the density, the mood, all created through simplicity.

on brahms, i had this discussion the other day. how to best perform brahms. this line came up, we all lead tragic enough lives to play brahms well. but is brahms all about tragic? no. it is also not lacking in hope, in moments of glory, in the moments when u shout/sing out at the top of your voice, "I'm at the top of the world". it is this glorious moments, the moments when the orchestra plays a V-I, when u shout out 'Ay!' at the end of iddemdem malida, it is these moments that i live for. the moments when u burst into tears, smiling, laughing, knowing that everything will be just fine. the moments of satisfaction. this is what i look forward to, and will always strive to get.

but is that destination important, or is the journey there, the buildup? what we always know, is that the journey is more important than the journey. cos it is in the journey that we learn. it is also through this journey, that we get to enjoy the final moments. for is it not at the end of "a long and labourious endeavour" that mozart finally gets praise and approval from Haydn to whom he dedicated the 'Haydn' quartets? thus will it be any different for ordinary folks like us all?

but without the destination, what is the point of the journey? where will your journey lead? we live in the destination, we thrive on it. the journey, though enriching, will just be that: a journey. like in AI, the journey to find the blue fairy. it is not the journey that we look forward to, it is the destination (more so when u are likely to get lost in the journey) in AI, we don't cry when we see David running away from captors, we cry when he finally sees his mummy wake up the last time. we don't sigh when he finds his makers, we sigh when his mummy finally leaves, and so does him. it is the destination, that makes the journey enriching. by itself, there's nothing to it.

i have decided to clear my schedule after last night when i reached home. i decided that what i want is not what i need. perhaps it is reading that book that helps. cos i have spent a long afternoon just relaxing at home, and probably same for tomorrow. it is perhaps not in me to really celebrate the end of CTs. it is just a pitstop in a race through the end of As. i will take a break, to breathe easily for a while, before plunging back in. and i wonder, whats the value of celebration? is it really that bad when preparing for CTs that u must celebrate, and do everything that youve never done before? although my original schedule was not to celebrate, but it is still the same.

perhaps i have not changed, as much as i believed. i now look the same as i did years ago, and i belief my heart have not changed. and probably i never will, because it is not me to change. i reject, resent, and always regret changes. i like things to stay the way they are, not because i am already satisfied, but because i am afraid of the unknown. i will always want more, to be better, but only when i know, i can accept the change.

probably, i can never improve, because i am an S personality.

ch