Two tear drops were floating down the river.
One teardrop said to the other,"i'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. who are you?"
"i'm the teardrop of the man who regret letting a girl go....."

she teardrop consoled, "there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go..."

he teardrop replied, "but then you'll know that you miss someone very much when every time you think of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick 'Hello' from that person brings the broken pieces back..."

she teardrop said, "it's really painful to say goodbye to someone else that you don't want to let go; but it's even more painful to ask someone to stay if you can never make the relationship work out the way it should be."

she continued, "LOVE? it's kind of complicated, but i'll tell you this... the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there...."

he teardrop pondered and said, "you know, if i had the letters "HRT", i can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". but i'd rather choose "U" and get "HURT" than have a "HEART" without "U"...

she teardrop smiled and replied, "giving someone all your love is not an assurance that she will love you back. don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in her heart, if it doesn't, be contented it grows in yours."

he teardrop continued, "she told me once, do not be too good, i will miss you. don't be too caring; I might like you. don't be too sweet; i might fall for you."

she teardrop smiled and said, "A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes."

She teardrop continued, "if you love her please let her know because it hurts to love when you have to go. take care of me; don't go away because if you love me, you will stay... i love you and do you know why? you got me when you first said 'Hi'"he teardrop said, "you are brave she teardrop, now i know it's always better to have found the courage to love even if you lose it in the end rather than never found love because you were too afraid of the challenge."

he teardrop continued further, "did you know that the expression "Nothing" is the subconscious mind's way of saying I Love You... that's what I did, i told her NOTHING and because of that i lost her even though i love her... i cry for the time that she was almost mine, i cry for the memories i've left behind, i cry for the pain, the lost, the old and the new. i cry for the times i thought i had her!"

she teardrop consoled, "Relationships are like glass, sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together, or worse, have nothing strong to bind it together. you never lose in loving. you only lose in holding back."

he teardrop cried,"Now i know, i have learned. don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you, don't drive it away from you because if you did, someday you'll think again why you let love fly away when it was once next to YOU..."

What an interesting article. I received this over the mail, and felt that it was really thoughtful. In the many times I have discussed about love, or even tried talking about it, or even so seldomly try to philosophy it, it has always ended up with no answers. Always, when I receive something in the mail about love, and those that say send to 5 people or else, I always ignore them, cos its all fake. But this, just a single whole message as above, nothing fanciful, no spam stuff. It really shook me hard. As in, Hard. Well…

Tears. What happens when two people say goodbye at the end of the day? Will anyone cry, silently or loudly, in the heart or with tears, for the other to come back? When they meet again in the morning, do they cheer, do their eyes light up for each other, and then the whole world is no longer important to them… they are the whole world. Will anyone cry for me? Do I cry for anyone? I dunno, and I guess I will never know.

Love. This is one question I have always been asking: is it better to have loved and lost, or never loved at all? At some point in time, I believe my answer was to be never loved at all. Then, I was seriously down, and I wished I could go back to the good old days. Now, I feel, it is better to have loved and lost. Love, such an uncertainty. We can go around saying that the probability of that girl/guy u have a crush on loves you back follows a geometric distribution. Haha. But what is P(X=1)? Oh gosh too much of stats. Haha. But love is selfish. Everyone wants someone else to him/herself. And when u see another with the one u like, there’s this feeling in your heart that probably means that you are jealous. U are one selfish person, never sharing your loved one. And when u are out there, u want to win. U want to be the only one.

Probably that’s why I have lost. Because I was too selfish. Too overbearing. Perhaps that’s why now, I dun dare to love. Cos I dun want to lose again. Its never a good feeling to lose. Of course. Haha. Who goes all out to lose? But now, I know better. Cos I am one who will probably always fall back and make the same mistakes. So how? Try my best. Okay, probably this paragraph never made sense. Oh wells.

These days, I have been talking a bit more than usual. Dunno why, but when im seriously beat and depleted I can no longer hold things inside my heart. Oh wells. I have been told too many things, that I know im not supposed to go around and tell anyone at all. But can I hold all these things? The heart is a bottle, when its full, things will spill out… Then how? I’ve tried to forget some things. But its not that easy when some things are of utmost importance to you, or even some things are about the people u are close with. Sighs.

I have been dreaming. Seeing some people in my dreams. And I have forced myself to wake up after that, partly due to the shock of seeing them. Some particular people keep appearing. I wonder why. Is it because they mean a lot? I have tried to search for the meaning in these dreams… Are they what we actually hope to happen, and because it may never happen in real life, then they appear when our body is at rest, and our mind works at half the rate? Yes maybe I do wish for some of these things to happen…

LTCL Accompaniment in just 6 days. Can I survive it? I really wonder, I’m scared about an exam for once. Its making me lose sleep actually. And hair as well. Argh…why… and I keep suffer from consequences of curiousness. These things just happen to me, and I wonder why. Curiosity kills the cat. But im not a cat! Although yes I do love cats, and yes I do have a cat soft toy from my b’dae. Probably it is retribution ah? Sighs.

And sleep. I feel so sleepy nowadays, when previously I could have stayed on and went on and on. Perhaps im getting weaker. I dun really dare to sleep. What if I don’t wake up? I never have good night sleeps. And now, its getting worse. With more work and less sleep and less daring to sleep… sighs…

Piano Ensemble concert was great! Has already said all my thank you’s, shall not say anymore. But yes, it was a great success. Great to see things happening good on that day. Pity this cant happen everyday. Wells, all good things must have an end. Mm.

I am spending more and more time with others. Is that good or bad? Spending such time means no walking alone from place A to B. Yay. I hate being alone. But I hate crowds too. Haha. Is that a contradiction? Oh yes one lame joke about crowds. Two is company, three’s a crowd. But this is impossible! How can 2 be a company? When a company has many people? Because this doesn’t hold, the three’s a crowd doesn’t hold too! Muahaha. Okay lame.

Wish me luck, I need it. One breath at a time, I’ve survived PE concert. Barely, I would say. The next big thing is coming up in 6 days. And a very big thing. And its very uncertain, and im scared. And its also a moment of truth. Then right after that would be my duties elsewhere. Then got the competition (more about this later). Then still got July CTs, My friend’s exam, then my own at the end of this year, which includes A’s, FT, Erhu, and also NPVC! Bleahx. One step at a time. My mei mei was telling me about how time will pass quickly, and yar I have to admit u’re right. Argh haha I should listen to you more cos somehow u manage to get things right… Ohwells. Next time. Tell me what I should do.

Competition:

Vivace Inter-JC Piano Ensemble Competition.
10 June 2005
VJC Performance Theatre
10am onwards
Come watch. Free entry.

Ok I need a break. This has been rather long.

ch

oh I really need a break, and answers. When will I see the light?