damn.

how come all this have to happen at the same time. this is so stressful.

first... all the best for EBC's syf tmr. this is an especially trying time for all of you, more than any other syf, but im sure u guys will manage. pray hard, and be ur best tmr. i'll be awaiting the good news.





next...
argh... my luck has finally run out. guess wad. i failed physics. how nice. just yesterday i lost the ring. im so gonna get slaughtered. and just now i got scolded. and then im feeling so down, i just broke down. second time in just a few days. why. i reached home about 5 minutes ago, feeling useless. why. why do i feel so much stress, and there's nowhere to release it. why do i get all the pressure. people can go play lan after school but where do i go, sit in front of a piano keyboard. must this always be the case? why do i have to do all this? can i just give all this up? bleahx. no one understands. partly this is why i never tell anyone all this. everyone thinks im damn free, cos i never study, and i never lan. and i have no tv in the hall means i dun watch. doing music, playing piano is relaxing to everyone else. no i cant stand all this. i want to be able to go out, to play, to just stand under the sun and breathe the air. not choke over it. my nose is failing me. my fitness is dropping at an alarming rate. barely 1 round and i was panting like mad today. and its not because i dun train. haiz. no one will understand. will you, the person who is reading this? u dun have thousands of medical conditions on u that cos u to think twice, thrice about everything u do. and u dun have to consider anything when u make plans, especially considering whether u will be around to fulfil them. u dun think whether u are going to waste millions of dollars when u pursue something new, or take yet another expensive exam. no. no such things go on in a mind of a carefree, innocent kid.

i have lost faith in myself. where has my self-esteem gone.

im hurt.

bleeding.

:(

cry
chee hang